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	22/11/2024 22:16 PM

   Made a neocities website for my more
   nsfw stuff, yaayy
   
   Also I've been working on an UTAU
   voicebank, still nowhere near done
   but it's getting there.
   
   My birthday is so close also.
   
   Next week.
   
   Scary.
   
   
  
    
	16/11/2024 1:50 AM

   I want to tear myself apart.
   
   There's really nothing I truly live for
   that's not my art, or the person I love.
   The love I feel is one of the only 
   things that make me feel like I breathe,
   at the same time it completely breaks me apart,
   there's no winning.
   
   I was born to love but that same thing absolutely
   makes me miserable, but I want to love, I would not
   trade it for nothing in the world.
   
   I just want to be the best doll for my lover, I want
   to be able to be loved I want to kiss them I just
   want them I want to spend the rest of my life
   with them.
   
   I'm obsessive, overbearing, I wish I could be less.
   
   Less gross.
   
   I'm a gross, gross dog.
   
   I was born to love
   that's the only thing I was born for.
   
   
   
  
    
	08/11/2024 19:42 AM

   In between forcibly exposing more of myself,
   my body and disappear. Paranoia out of
   stupidity and desperation.
   
   I will talk about it with my psychiatrist
   tomorrow to try and feel better, but I don't
   think it will help.
   
   I'm too naive, and most importantly too trusting.
   And stupid.
   
   I don't mind people knowing I do that kind of work,
   rarely. But it's safer for me for it to be hidden. 
   
   Now I don't think I have that privilege anymore.
   
   Because I'm an idiot.
   
  
    
	05/11/2024 23:50 AM

   I'm really really tired... 
   Just want to sleep all day, I sleep
   on the train, at school, and at home.
   I don't like that, as much aas I love
   sleeping. So I've been forcing myself
   to stay awake, I need to stay awake!
   
   Also I really need money, I wish I was
   still a child, unaware and happy that
   money is essential to live.
   
   Why is rent so high? And bills?
   
   Why is living so expensive? 
   It should be illegal, we didn't
   ask to be alive.
   
   My art hasn't been doing so good
   commission wise either, if I want to get
   commissioned I have to beg, at least
   how I see it, I hate begging.
   I don't even want to ask people to
   share my commission posts, because
   I feel ashamed to, so they barely
   get reposts and no one sees it
   and no one orders anything and 
   I get frustrated.
   
   I really need the money but I hate
   begging.
   
   I need a job but
   I always get rejected and a lot
   of the people that want to hire want
   people with an high school diploma at
   the very least, and I still haven't
   graduated. Shame. I'm an adult and
   I'm truly and utterly useless at it.
   
   I wish I could dissapear, I wish
   I could harm myself till there's nothing
   to be destroyed anymore.
   
   I'm so tired.